Okay guys (yes you four), I need your help. I was just presented with an amazing opportunity and need advice on how to take advantage of it. Here's the story:
Two years ago my aunt somehow managed to win tickets to the Dr. Phil Show at a silent auction. (She later claimed she was just trying to bring up the bidding and had no intention of actually winning, but I think the fact that she chose to put her name down for them at all instead of I don't know, a trip to the Bahamas or a karaoke machine, tells you a little bit about her personality. This is a woman whose apartment occasionally resembles a QVC warehouse, and who will relate episodes of The King of Queens as though they involved people in her actual life.) What Susan didn't know was that show tapes on L.A. which is roughly 6 million miles away from where she lives in Philadelphia. Instead of doing what a normal person would and selling the tickets on Craigslist, Susan decided that it would make far more sense to fly across the country and stay in a hotel for four days rather than let them go to waste. Naturally she invited me.
The trip was insane. We stayed in a fancy hotel, hired a private driver to take us on one of those "tours of the stars" where you drive around the Hollywood hills like a stalker trying to peer through the hedges surrounding celebrities houses, and took a VIP tour of Universal Studios that we ducked out on early because we thought it was boring. By the time the Dr. Phil taping rolled around on the last day it was kind of anticlimactic. The studio was about 5 degrees and the guests were a slutty Miss USA contestant who was disqualified because someone found pictures of her drunkenly licking her friend's ass and a woman whose husband kept cheating on her. I have absolutely no recollection of the advice Dr. Phil gave them, but I do remember that it made no sense and that the Miss USA contestant was wearing an obscenely short/tight dress that quite clearly couldn't accommodate underwear and that when she wobbled off the stage in her stilettos the people in the front row got a very good view of her junk.
What is the point of all this you might ask? WELL, somehow my name must have ended up on a Dr. Phil contact list, because I just got an email saying that they're going to be taping the show in New York. Not only did they ask if I would like to be in the audience, they also presented me with the opportunity to actually be on the show. All I have to do is detail what my problem is and send in a picture.
!!! Never mind that I could probably get better life advice off the back of a cereal box. I HAVE to have a crisis only Dr. Phil can solve. What could it be? Suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Preferably ones that have something to do with my actual life, but I'm not picky. Help!
2 comments:
Duh! Ask him about dating things! Pit him and HGB against each other! Have very NYCish problems that will seem interesting and exotic to viewers at home.
Seriously, I don't understand how being in audience -----> to being a guest though. Huh?
Brilliant! I need to get on this. Although the idea that I might not have a problem fucked up enough for Dr. Phil is somewhat comforting . . .
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